What the heck is spiritual bypassing. Anyway? And why should I even care, Martha?
Glad you asked. If I’ve learned anything over the last two decades of helping women to heal their bodies and re-connect to their personal power, passion, and purpose it’s to share with the healed and unlimited community the “issues” that keep coming up over and over again.
It’s a big huge sign from the Universe that lots of people are having challenges with the same thing. We all learn and grow from each other, together. And my heart tells me we need the strength of community now more than ever. To know that we’re not alone.
Spiritual bypassing is a concept written about, in depth, by Robert Masters in his book, spiritual bypassing. It effects our health and well-being on all levels, especially if we are unaware of it.
I’ll explain what it is, how it affects your health and how it affects your well-being.
Also, what happens energetically and spiritually when we’re stuck in spiritual bypass.
I’ve been observing it in the spiritual-metaphysical communities for many years.
Here’s how it can play out in real life.
I help clients clear away the physical, mental, and emotional “gunk” that gets stuck in their bodies and causes symptoms or prevents them from living a joy-full life as our authentic selves.
Letting go is supposed to be good for our health?
The issues are in the tissues.
75% of all illness is preventable and caused by stress.
If we are in spiritual bypass it’s affecting our whole being.
Essentially, spiritual bypassing is when we pretend that something isn’t happening. Or we pretend that something isn’t real or isn’t affecting us. We glaze over what’s really going on, and use some kind of spiritual “nice-ness” to avoid the truth.
Often, we’ll use a spiritual practice to bypass the truth. It could something like telling ourselves that we will take the high road and be the better person and just let that shit go.
We’ve convinced ourselves that we “let it go.” Yet, weeks later we’re still playing the situation over in our heads. It’s still circling round and round. We’ve just bypassed the incident by pretending that we let it go, just because we didn’t verbalize our feelings out loud.
Here’s the real-world application and how it diminishes the health and well-being of everyone involved.
Every Saturday I have a routine with my girlfriend. We run at the local park, then we go to the farmers market we go out to breakfast. It’s our routine. We’ve been doing it for 3 years. Every week I drive.
The last several weeks we’ve parked in the exact same place. Being in full disclosure and being honest with myself ˗ Yeah, I was taking up part of the tail end of the sidewalk.
It had happened 3 weeks in a row.
We parked in the same spot and my car was hanging over about 8 inches on the sidewalk. However, there was still plenty of room to cross through the sidewalk.
This week there was an incident with a gentleman walking with his wife and kids, pushing a stroller. That parking space and my character hadn’t come into question until there was a family with a stroller involved.
I fully understand the place where my friend was coming from. She’s thinking about her own daughter and her grand-kids. She put herself in this man’s shoes.
The conflict arose when the man believed that I should move my car. He didn’t ask me to move. He just stood there waiting for me to move my car. Meanwhile, his wife and daughter had already passed right by us and crossed the street to the other sidewalk.
My friend said “Oh, he’s got a stroller you should move.” So, I backed up the car, he crossed the street. I pulled back into the parking spot. Everyone should be happy now, right?
No harm. No foul. Not a huge deal in the scope of social or world crisis.
It’s a farmer’s market. Let’s just have fun.He caught up to his wife who had no problem just walking around the back end of my car, crossing the street, and going on about her day.
Cause that’s how woman get shit done!
But it was not over for this gentleman. We were a block away from each other and I could see him turn around numerous times. He diverted his attention away from enjoying his wife and family, to see where we were. He kept rubbernecking. At least 5 or 6 times. He could not wait for us to catch up to him so that he could tell me what a bad person I was.
He needed and wanted to tell us how inconsiderate we were.
Well, if you don’t know anything about me, my past or my story… I grew up and spent most of my life buried in deep shame from my childhood.
I spent YEARS learning how to love myself and break free from the shame of the inner critic.
It took years for me to be comfortable in my own skin and be my authentic true self.
This guy has no idea who he is waiting to shame. As an empath I can feel his energy from a block away.
I’m trying not to have this confrontation.
It won’t be pretty.
I won’t be shamed. It won’t go like he thinks.
I had let it go.
Still here he is, now we’re a few feet from him. He was waiting for us. So I walked quietly in the other direction and moved away from him. My friend paid no attention and unknowingly walked right towards him, even after I had commented on him waiting for a confrontation.
Of course, he shamed her and berated her and told her how inconsiderate she was.
By the time I catch up with my friend, she’s mad at me, because he shamed her. The rest of the morning, instead of talking about the whole thing and clearing the air, my friend was deep in passive-aggressive behavior.
Remember, I feel EVERYTHING.
She’s walking fast ahead of me. Being unusually quiet at breakfast. And pretending that she’s just gonna “let it all go.”
She’s holding anger. She’s constricting anger in her body. And yet, she’s putting out negative vibe thoughts and energy towards me. Nobody wins!
That’s spiritual bypassing.
Pretending that you’re being the better person, the more spiritually and morally evolved person. Pretending that you’re choosing positivity and joy. She wasn’t positive or joy-full. She was angry.
When we bypass, we tell ourselves that we’re being “zen” and keeping the peace. But where is the peace in this?
In spiritual bypassing we don’t have the trust or the courage to speak up.
Or to have the difficult conversations. We don’t trust ourselves or the other person to love us while we speak our truth.
She did not feel comfortable saying, “Hey, what just happened bothered me, or hurt my feelings.” Instead, she’s holding the anger and she’s ruminating in her mind over and over again.
Not only is it closing down her life force energy and causing resentment and stress in her body, it’s affecting my energy because I can feel it all.
We’ve all felt it. You don’t have to be an empath to know when someone is sending bad vibes out at you.
Fast forward an entire week. I can still feel that she’s holding some of the anger towards me from the week before. I can feel that everything is different. You know, just under the surface. We had our day. We did our thing. I got home and it was really getting to me.
For a few moments I felt helpless and then I had to come back to what I always teach. I gotta walk my talk. Step 5 of my 5 part methodology is confidence and courage. I had to have the courage to deal with this energy that was getting trapped.
So I called her up and asked, “Did something happen? Did I do something to hurt you or offend you? I can tell in the last couple of weeks things feel different to me.”
At first, she said “no.” So I asked again.
Well, she said, “I guess there is something kinda bothering me”, and she brought up the situation from last week at the farmer’s market.
I listened. I didn’t agree with her. But I had empathy for her perception of it all.
What is so important about the whole situation was that my friend was holding all this negative energy for over a week and pretending that she was just letting it go. She hadn’t let it go. It was bothering her. But she had convinced herself that she “let it go.”
She thanked me for bringing it up.
The best thing we can do for each other is have the courage to ask the difficult questions, to be willing to be vulnerable with each other, in order to promote well-being.
Every day all day long we’re interacting. We’re all kinda up in our stuff. Spiritual bypassing has become so common. It is the easy way out, but it isn’t always the healthiest choice.
This situation was causing stress in her body, mind, and spirit.
Her heart energy was constricted. Her mental energy is working overtime to try to stuff it back down and let it go. She’s creating resentment because she hasn’t spoken up. She’s go over and over it in her head. And she’s denying her feelings. All in the name of “letting it go.”
She said her words for the year are positivity and joy. Yet, these frequencies of holding are not positivity and joy. Not to mention that every time she sees me, she’s sending out judgment and unresolved anger.
It’s our purpose as people who are “sensitive” to have the courage to stop the bypassing.
To have the courage to actually speak up and address the things that need to be addressed. It’s a gift to be sensitive to others energy and help them manage theirs.
Stress causes 75% of all illness.
What is stress? It is our mental and emotional reaction to the events that are happening in our lives. Each little incident like this accumulates in our tissues and causes a constriction of energy in our cells.
Spiritual bypassing causes stress!
We’re holding the issues in our tissues. It keeps us stuck in our heads. And when we have too much energy in our heads there isn’t enough to run our bodies.
When we don’t have the courage to speak up and to say something it causes illness. Oh, sure, one incident doesn’t seem like a big deal. How about piling up a lifetime of them, unresolved emotions, feelings, and conflicts all stored up in our bodies?
Combine that with the traumas and/or programming from our childhood, it is a recipe for chronic pain and dis-ease.
The problem with using mainstream therapy and counseling to unpack it all is that it keeps you in your head. It does nothing to release the stored energy in your body and cells.
Choose courage! Find the courage within yourself to have those conversations.
People like us who are sensitive, or introverted, we have to build the courage to act on our intuition and insights.
- It’s what we came here to do.
- We did not come here to be sick because we’re holding energy in our body.
- We did not come here to live in our heads.
- We came to live in our hearts.
- We came here to create change and we’ve got to bring the courage.
If you don’t know how to do that, please reach out to me. I’m here to help. Courage is one of the five foundational pillars to spark true healing.
It’s one of the five C’s that I’m teaching and talking about all the time.
Courage is how you develop a soul with stamina. Courage is saying without confrontation, without drama…the things that need to be said.
Courage is being vulnerable enough to build relationships and friendships that can move through this stuff without making each other sick.
Check in with yourself. Give yourself this opportunity for healing and growth.
When you know something gets under your skin ask yourself if you’re bypassing or holding it in your body somewhere. Ask yourself if it’s worth making yourself stressed and sick over.
Build your awareness by asking yourself:
- I am constricting or holding this event somewhere in my body?
- Have I closed my heart off.
- Am I going round and round in my head when I said I was going to let it go?
- Am I pretending or bypassing my feelings?
We think it’s just easier to “sweep things under the rug.” But all that gets us is a great big pile of dirt. When it comes to our body, mind, and spirit, that crap will makes us sick!
Energetically, the liver is the organ that stores anger.
Metaphysically you may end up having a problem in your legs or feet that correlates to the inability to process it all and move forward.
If the issue is with a female it could affect the left side of the body. If it is with a male it could effect the right side. An inability to speak up is not always reflected in the throat center. If there’s anger and inability to move forward it could effect the meridian energy channels and cause a pain in the right big toe or foot. So often these things appear as a mysterious pain that comes out of nowhere.
If you are someone who wants to spark true healing, connect with your personal power and live your purpose… Here’s what you should do next: